I'm gonna be really honest with you. Sometimes this life is hard. I mean really, really hard! I try to smile and nod whenever someone comments on how much "fun" our life must be, but it's not always easy to do. Sometimes I have to literally bite my tongue when a comment like this is made to keep from blurting out the long list of things that happened in the past week that made us desperately wish for a more "normal" life.
Of course, living a "normal" life (the kind where you live in a house in one city and work 40 or so hours a week at the same job each day) has plenty of it's own troubles.... I suppose if I wanted to, I could make a list of "pros" and "cons", or a chart to compare the two. You know, like when you're in middle school and trying to decide whether to spend your money on a bike or a trip to the amusement park - or maybe you're trying to figure out whether to go to church camp or volleyball camp... (no, I never played volleyball). This is the kind of chart where you list all the advantages and disadvantages of each choice and then pick the one with more advantages.
We did not make a list like this when we were deciding whether to move out of our home and sell most of our belongings. We didn't do it when Josh put in his notice to quit his job either.
Why not? .... Good question. I was wondering that myself today, when Josh came in after another discouraging day of booking.
It's so strange. When we go to churches and share this ministry, people are so blessed! We don't claim any of the credit. It's all God, for sure! But, people do love it! We hear story after story of how God used the music and the testimonies to deeply challenge, encourage, and move people's hearts. Pastors love it to! Of the over 200 churches that we've been to in the past 2 years, only a handful have not asked us to come back.
Here's the problem though. Josh has to call about 50 churches for every 1 that actually invites us to come! When you do the math, that's A LOT of hours on the phone and sending emails. But what's more significant, is the amount of "No, thank you's" and "We're not interested's" that he has to listen to each day. Throw in the occasional "This is a horrible thing that you're doing to your family." and "This cannot possibly be God's will for your life!" and you have a recipe for discouragement. That is hard on a man's spirit and as his wife, it breaks my heart because I can't fix it.
So, like I said, today I found myself wondering if we were sure this is what we should be doing.
Then I read this,
"What is my purpose in life? If our goal in life is to be happy or accepted or loved, then anything that threatens our well-being will be an enemy - an obstacle to fulfilling our objective. On the other hand, once we agree with God that we exist for His pleasure and His glory, we can accept whatever comes into our lives as part of His sovereign will and purpose. We will not resent, resist, or reject the 'hard things', but embrace them as friends, sovereignly designed by God to make us like Jesus and to bring glory to Himself. We will be able to look into His face and say, 'It's not about me. It's about You. If it pleases you, it pleases me. All that matters is that You are glorified.'" (Nancy Leigh DeMoss - Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free)
I asked Josh this afternoon, "Do you still believe this is what God has called us to - that we are in the center of His will, obeying and following Him?"
He answered, "Yes."
And so do I.
No pros and cons list necessary.
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