Honesty and Love...or Lack There Of

I was thinking this morning about loving the unlovable.  Who are they and how do I love them?  

Some say the unlovable are those difficult to love because they are different in personality or life circumstance.  For me though, it is far easier to love someone at a distance (stranger or acquaintance) that I don’t understand or even disagree with, than to love those near to me who have hurt or offended me, even in a small way. 

During my morning devotions today, God was reminding me of this sin struggle, this lack of love.  He was bringing to mind specific people I have not loved well.  I was reflecting on my interactions with some of these people and feeling a little defensive, thinking I had not really been unloving to them.  Then the Holy Spirit (as He is so faithful to do) showed me the reality hidden behind my own denial…

He started by reminding me that I am honest. 

Some might think my honesty is a mature character quality, but to be honest ;) I can’t help it.  It’s just who I am.  I remember a night in high school when my mom was questioning me about something.  “Did you ….?” she asked.  I looked at her (heavy with guilt) and said “No!... yes (hanging my head).”  My lie lasted about 1 second.  I just couldn’t do it.

My honesty goes much deeper than simply speaking the truth though, and this is where it gets ugly.  You see, I wear my thoughts and emotions on my sleeve.  Actually I wear them on my face.  If you know me, you can testify to this.   I use to joke about how I could never be a waitress because I couldn’t handle the stress so every customer that irritated me would see it all over my face!  I’d certainly go broke for lack of tips!

This unavoidable honesty means I can’t just "put on a happy face".  The Bible says, “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matt. 12:34).  In my case, “Out of the overflow of the heart, the face scowls…or glares…or grimaces…or rolls its eyes…” You get the picture.

So, the Spirit opened my eyes to see that there are people in my life, whom I have failed miserably to love…and they have no doubt seen it on my face.

I am sad.  Sad to know that I have used my silence as a defense.  I have believed that if I was not speaking unloving words, then I wasn’t really being unloving.  I have convinced myself that these people I struggle to love are surely oblivious…and now I am faced with the reality that these people are probably all too aware of my attitude toward them. 

As I write, I find myself confronted with the reality that much of the “Love Passage” (1 Cor. 13) speaks of attitudes of the heart, not actions or words. 

 

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor. 13:1-6


So I find myself going back to the original questions...
Who are the unlovable and how do I love them?...and I realize - I am the unlovable.  I am ungrateful and unpleasant and unforgiving and unkind.  I am broken. 
 
I am the unlovable…and Jesus loves me.   

Jesus loves even ME!?!

So how do I love as Christ loves?

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God…No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.” (1 Jn. 4:7, 12-13)
“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit was is contrary to the sinful nature…But the fruit of the Spirit is love…”(Gal. 5:16-17,22a)

Oh Lord, may I remember the great love you have for me, inspite of me.  And by the power of your Holy Spirit living in me and remembering your ongoing grace toward me, may I love others well, completely, from deep in my heart...and may that love shine beautifully from my face.

Wow! The Internet Connection is BAD here!

We made it safe and sound to Spokane and survived our first weekend of the tour. :)

Saturday was driving and set-up day.  It was hard to leave my sister's house.  What an amazing blessing it was to spend those three weeks with her family!  Our travel was easy and uneventful; and considering the fact that we are practically "professionals" at setting up camp at the RV parks, that went very smoothly as well.

Yesterday, we had two ministry events (with a Costco trip and a nap sandwiched in between). Our tour started off with services at two churches that we've been to in the past.  It was a gift to get back into the swing of things, by performing/speaking/worshiping with churches that we know and love!

Today we officially started school!  We are now in 3rd and 1st grade.  I say "we" because I'm pretty certain I'm doing far more work then either of them, so I should get credit for being in the grade as well!  Don't you think?!:)  We had intended to continue school through the summer, but that ended up being pretty minimal.  They both did read quite a bit and we visited lots of state and national parks though.  Our boys are Junior Rangers at four different parks.  I was proud today, though to see how much the boys had learned and retained over the summer!  It was a good day!

We have events tomorrow and Wednesday night.  We'd appreciate your prayers that God would use us as He sees fit at each of the churches He has led us to.

I'll do my best to write again later this week, but let me tell you the wifi connection at this park STINKS!  Between that and sharing the laptop with my hubby, it's not easy to post....I'll keep trying though :)

One other quick prayer request : our oven and stove have decided to stop working :(  Josh spent quite a while today trying to figure out the problem, but so far he's been unable to resolve the problem. (Interestingly, last time we were at this RV park our fridge stopped working...perhaps we need a new place to stay while in Spokane?! :p )

Love from our family to yours!
Sarah

A quick little side note - If you've been following my blog for long, you have noticed that I don't post many pictures of my kiddos.  When I do post pics of them, I try to keep their faces out of the picture.  I apologize as I know that many of you would love to see more of them.  However, this is a public blog, so I've decided for the sake of their privacy to keep their handsome faces off the world wide web.  Thanks for your understanding! :)

Time Flies When You Are So Outnumbered by Children!

Well folks, I warned you!  I know it's been a couple weeks but let me tell you, I have been a BUSY lady!  As I said in my last blog, my sister Anna had Baby #3 last month.  We parked our trailer at my Anna's house and I've been doing my best to help her with the kiddos and around the house.  That makes 5 kids 8 years old and under....and the four older ones are maniacs!  Yes, two of those are mine! ;)  I am pooped, but the cousins (this is how I refer to any combination of the four) have had SOOO much fun together.  It has been such a blessing to watch the four of them grow as friends.  Not to mention the incredible gift of spending so much time with my sister and her sweet baby girl!  Josh and Scott (my bro-in-law) have had fun playing guitar together a couple times and even let Anna and I take Baby and go on a "date" without the bigger kids.

Our time here is quickly coming to a close.  It is bittersweet.  I am ready to get back on the road.  We're all ready for a little more routine and time with just the four of us.  We're excited for the many ministry events we have coming up on this tour and we're looking forward to seeing our friends and family in Eastern Washington, Oregon, Montana, and Idaho!  However, I am going to miss this precious family time soooo much! :(

We leave Saturday.  Our first week is in Spokane and will be a busy one!  We will readjust to time on the road, begin school, do several concerts/services, as well as all the typical day-to-day stuff.

As usual, my goal will be to blog more frequently.  I do love to blog and so appreciate all of your support and prayers.  I want to keep you updated and included, as your prayers are such an important part of this ministry.  I will continue to strive to write more often!

Love to you all!
Sarah