Did I choose to love?

*NOTE* This blog has moved!  When you finish reading this post, be sure to head over to www.stilllearningtofollow.com for more from A Family of Musicianaries.

I’ve been reading through Paul’s epistles during my personal quiet times for the past several months.  I started with Galatians.  My coming to study this book would seem coincidental to some (I visited a Bible Study one time that was studying it and thought I’d try to catch up in case I ever went again…I never went again, but the study stuck), however, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was providential.  I poured over Galatians for weeks, consulting commentaries, asking my father-in-law questions, praying, crying, and confessing my way through it.  Verse by verse being convicted and challenged.  To say it rocked my world would be putting it lightly.

Since God used that study of Galatians so powerfully in my life, I decided to go back to Romans and work my way through.  I’ve been in 1 Corinthians for many weeks and got to chapter 13 last week.  Chapter 12 ends with these words, “And now I will show you the most excellent way.”!  Isn’t that our cry as followers of Jesus bound to this messed up earth.  Please, Lord, show us the way!  There are so many things screaming for our attention, begging for our focus, demanding to be first priority and we just want to know the “most excellent way”.

So with my attention caught, I read the words I’ve read, heard, sang since I was a child.  “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal….If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind….And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.” (1 Cor. 13:1-13 – I encourage you to find a Bible and read these verses in their entirety!)

My boys bicker a lot lately!  I mean A LOT!  It’s enough to drive a woman trapped in a trailer with them CRAZY!!!  I find myself convicted though as I realize my tendency to respond to their lack of love, with a lack of love.  They are rude and I am impatient.  They are self-seeking and I respond by being easily angered.  “Oh Lord, help us!”  I am grateful for God’s grace and yet I so desire to love like Him!  I want to be patient and kind, selfless, hopeful, and persevering! 

I downloaded a sermon recently by John Piper teaching on George Mueller (if you don’t know either of these names, they are both men worth learning about and from).  Mueller said that when we strive to memorize scripture, we find ourselves meditating on Scripture – both which are Biblical disciplines.  I’ve been helping Caden and Noah memorize 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and find myself meditating on these verses as well.  I pray that the truth of these words will sink down deep in my soul and change me.

This morning, hours after my quiet time and after reading these verses again with the boys, I am making lunches to take with us on our errands and I put in an old Nicole Nordeman CD to listen to.  I find myself in tears as my heart prays the words of her song "Legacy"

I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me.

I enjoy an accolade like the rest.

You can take my picture and hang it in a gallery 

of all the whose who and so and so’s that used to be the best 

at such and such, it wouldn’t matter much.

I won’t lie it feels alright to see your name in lights.

We all need an “attaboy” or “attagirl”.

In the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides

the temporary trappings of this world

I wanna leave a legacy, how will they remember me?

Did I choose to love? 

Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?

I wanna leave an offering. 

Child of mercy and grace, 

who blessed your name unapologetically

and leave that kind of legacy!

(Nicole Nordeman  "Woven & Spun" - Legacy)

I pray that by the power of the precious Holy Spirit living in me, 

I might learn to live the most excellent way!

*NOTE* This blog has moved!  When you finish reading this post, be sure to head over to www.stilllearningtofollow.com for more from A Family of Musicianaries.

Money....YUK!

I hate money!  I hate thinking about it.  I hate talking about it.  I hate spending it.  I hate saving it.  I hate counting it.  I hate needing it.  I hate having it.

Truly, I do.  I hate everything about money.

I guess I probably shouldn't.  I mean, a lot of good CAN be done with money.  God uses money to provide for the hungry, to care for the oppressed, even to aid in spreading His Gospel.  God uses it to teach us to give and to teach us to depend on Him.

It causes so many problems, though.  You know what I mean?....If you don't have enough, then you have to determine how to get enough.  If you have plenty, you think you need more. - It's almost always a stumbling block in our spiritual lives.  Biblically, it shouldn't be.  By God's grace, it doesn't have to be...and yet, it usually is, to one degree or another.

If my Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He promises to meet my needs and I know He's Sovereign and I believe He's good....then why does money trip me up?  Why does the need for it, the lack of it, the responsibility of it trip me up, stress me out, and tempt me to sin?

Some people have a real issue with trusting God.  They struggle to trust that He will provide for them and/or guide them in the use of their finances.  But I'm not usually like that.  It's not that I never doubt or worry, but for the most part that's not a struggle of mine.  I have seen God provide over and over and over again, and I trust Him to continue to do so. 

My struggle has more to do with focus.  I think about money too often.  I know God will provide and I think about that provision a little too much.  I spend too much time watching for how He will provide financially and not enough time watching for how He will work spiritually.

As I consider this problem...and I wonder how to fix it...I find myself thinking about a song we often do when leading worship.  Maybe it's going through my head because the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me something?....maybe it's just going through my head because I sing it often?  Either way, the words are worth singing/typing/reading....

All to Jesus, I surrender.  All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him.  In His presence daily live.
I surrender all.  I surrender all.  All to thee my blessed savior.
I surrender all.

I suppose that the more Jesus there is in me, the less room there is for me in me.  The more time I spend in His presence the more I'll become like Him.
I expect Jesus doesn't think too much about money.

Starting our tour off with a BANG!

I will finish my anniversary post eventually, but for now I’m skipping ahead to the present.  It has been a very busy few days and today was particularly “eventful”.  I’ll start with last Saturday when we “hit the road” again.  After two and a half lightening fast weeks back home, we headed south.  We don’t have any very long driving days on this trip, which is really nice.  Last Saturday, we left Renton and drove to Woodland, WA.  It was a fairly short drive and we are settled at a nice little RV park on the Columbia River.  It’s beautiful here and the boys already have a couple friends to play with at the playground.

Sunday was an insanely busy, but very blessed day!  We had two services in the morning and one in the evening and each of the three churches were about 40 minutes from each other.  We led worship at the first service, Josh played and shared his testimony at the second, and the evening event was a full concert with worship, fingerstyle guitar, and testimony.  I was able to share about PFM (Potter’s Field Ministries) at all three and we had a great response!  Saturday, after setting up for one of the morning services, we had dinner with the pastor and several of the church members and then we did the same Sunday afternoon for lunch.  It’s always such a gift to have the opportunity to really get to know people and develop relationships at the churches where we serve.

Monday was all about trying to put our little home back together.  When we were home we slept in the trailer, but mostly lived in our friends’ house the first week and my sister’s the second.   That, combined with our busy weekend left our “home” a mess.  So, Monday we cleaned, organized and did laundry.  In the evening, the boys played on the beach while I went to and from the laundry room.

Tuesday Josh did quite a bit of booking in the morning and then we drove to Vancouver to run some errands.  In the afternoon and evening we visited Josh’s aunt, who we haven’t seen for three years.  It was wonderful to spend time with her.  

 (short private "concert" in Aunt Wanda's backyard)

Okay, that brings us to today.  Today started out well.  I ran in the morning and the boys played while Josh worked on booking.  I’ve been still fighting this nasty cold, so after lunch I took a short nap.  The plan was that when I woke up the boy’s and I would head to the library.  We were going to do some research on volcanoes because we’re going to Mount St. Helens tomorrow.  When I woke up from my nap, I told the boys to get their shoes on and clean up their toys and I made myself some tea.  While I was facing the sink, Noah was sitting at the table behind me.  I heard an odd “spraying” sound followed by Noah’s loud scream.  I had carelessly left my pepper spray (that I always carry with me when I run) sitting on the table and Noah had sprayed himself in the eye with it!  The next two hours were awful!  I immediately started flushing his eye with water while he screamed in extreme pain.  Josh called 9-1-1 and we continued to pour water in Noah’s eye while we waited for the paramedics.  My heart broke as my “baby” cried out in pain for over an hour.  At first he was so afraid and hurting that he fought us violently!  Josh and I had to forcefully hold him down in order to flush his eye.  By the time the EMTs arrived, he had settled down and was cooperating better.   ~Afterward my sweet boy said, “I was trying to hold still for you mommy!”~  The EMT helped us flush his eye with water and saline.  At the same time, the pepper spray spread to his face and arms.  I was grateful to know that this was not a life or death issue, but the pain my little guy was in just about killed me!

Eventually, the pain started to decrease and Noah calmed down.  About two hours later, we had his eye sufficiently rinsed.  He is seeing fine now and has no pain at all on his skin.  We can see a little bit of the irritation on his face, but he says he feels fine!  God is so good!  What a blessing to know that my Noah was in his heavenly Father's loving hands the whole time.  God was gracious to give us an amazing EMT too!  He was so quick and thorough in his response and was kind and funny in his interactions with Noah.  I am so incredibly grateful for him!  He even invited Noah and Caden to come visit him at the fire station to check out the fire engines!  I’m not sure we’ll get a chance to do that, but the invite meant a lot both to me and the boys.

What a stressful, heart wrenching couple of hours!  I know that far too many mommies have to suffer much worse heart ache though with sick and injured children, so I’m trying to count my blessings. 

This morning I spent time meditating on Isaiah 43 during my quiet time.  I was especially blessed by the end of verse 1 and the beginning of verse 4…

“…Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.”

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you….”

I am precious and honored in Yahweh’s sight!?!  He loves me!  I am his!  These beautiful truths washed over my soul this morning, bringing peace and comfort and joy.  This evening though, in light of all that happened this afternoon, I am reminded of verses 2-3.  

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.  For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…”

My boys are tucked safe and sound in their beds now.  Both are worn out from the day's excitement.  Noah's cheeks are pink, but he's snuggled up cozy with his new quilt.  A gift from a local quilting group via the EMT. 

We serve a mighty God and I trust Him.

“Thank you, Lord, for never leaving us alone!”